At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
