tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.