4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night