Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
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Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...