its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.