last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
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I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?