respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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