I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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