I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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