We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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