Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
