the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
