Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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