Acid is not a monday night drug
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
