You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
