Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
