so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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