why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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