Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
