that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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