Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
