hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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