Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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