I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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