After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
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Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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