Sponge bath it is.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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