Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
handjob tips. give me some.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
