Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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