Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't put those talents on a resume
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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