Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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