It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ketchup is God's man juice
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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