I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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