so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
why is half of my head shaved?
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