hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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