you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Help me help you realize you are a moron
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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