Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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