How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
