if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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