the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
