Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
