Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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