At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
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A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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