somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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