Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
