literally had 100 drinks last night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
