I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
