Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
