bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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