my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have aggressive nipples.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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