U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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