Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
