While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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