All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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