I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
