so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
