WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
