Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
