her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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