"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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