my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize