that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
