Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
