If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
