4 words: hood of his car
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
