I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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