Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
